I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
