Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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