capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am one with the molecules
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
