PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
