Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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