don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
