If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize