Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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