sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
