Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
