The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
