6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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