I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
