I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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