How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
