Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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