I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
