i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
