Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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