I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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