Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
