I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
