just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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