Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
