i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
