I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
