My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
