it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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