Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
