i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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