My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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