Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
