She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so much tequila, so little girl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
