One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
