Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
