Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
