you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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