New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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