Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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