he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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