Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i've created a new STD.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
