She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize