Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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