12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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