Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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