Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
