you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
