Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
