i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
try to milk me bitch
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