none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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