Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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