i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
