Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You made out with two different species that night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
