btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
