Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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