dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
