Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
