grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
