for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
third nipple confirmed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
